Dear Child I Will Never Have,
I have loved you for years.
And yet I don’t know if you would have been a boy or a girl. I wouldn’t have cared. I just wanted you.
I didn’t want you, until I met the man of my dreams. The man that helped me heal. He is a good man. Works very hard, treats me like I have always
wanted to be treated. Then I started to
need you. I cried every month you didn’t
come. I mourned your loss even though
you were never alive. I was saddened that
this wonderful man would never know fatherhood.
I still wish to meet you, but I know its best we never got
to be together. There is darkness inside
me. It’s always there, on the fringes,
waiting to strike. I don’t want to pass
this onto someone who was born with so much light. I want what every mother wants. For her peanut to always be pure and full of
joy.
There were so many things I wanted to teach you. Books I wanted to read to you and adventures
to have with you. I wanted to show you
the world and all the magic that it holds.
I wanted to pick a magical name for you. Something that would make people look up and
take notice and say to themselves. That
young person is special. They will be
good and great.
I wanted your dreams to become mine. I wanted you to change the world. I wanted to be your world.
I never wanted you to know pain, poverty, sadness or
hunger. I wanted you to be forever
healthy and wise.
I write to you because I am proud of you would have
been. And I know you would have been
proud of me too. I forgive my body for
not being able to have you. I forgive
fate for being cruel, but see the wisdom of not being able to hold you.
I started writing you this letter with tears in my
heart. But I finish with a smile on my
face. I know. Deep down.
I will see you. And that makes me
happy. It may not be in this life. Or even the next. But it will happen.
Love the mother you never had.
